Stoughton's Very Good Sunday

July 25, 2010

Sto woke around 6 a.m. He wasn’t feeling too great and we helped him get more comfortably situated, moving pillows and helping him shift his position, mostly Edna figuring everything out of course, and after he was resting comfortably he quietly said, "Karen." I was right next to his bed. Then he said “come here” and I leaned quite close wondering what he was going to tell me. But he had drifted back to sleep.

Anyway, we all went back to sleep and later we all got ready to go for a wheel chair ride over to the University grounds. With all the sidewalks and ramps and interesting buildings it’s a great place to walk. And roll. Hmm… walk and roll … sounds fun. Well getting Sto dressed, shoes on, remember the hiking boots he’s always worn? changing to the portable oxygen tank, why, it’s quite a job! Just getting him from the bed to the wheelchair, it took three tries, he is so very weak, then packing water bottles, tissues, all this after breakfast *[a little personal story later] and we were ready to go. Oh, and Edna and I also take three minutes to get ourselves dressed, much of our morning activity is done wearing our pajamas and whatever, so our getting dressed was almost an afterthought after all of Sto’s preparations.

Amy was fairly excited throughout all the activity because we had told her earlier that she was to be included in our outing.

It started to rain. Warm New Mexico rain that Edna had been waiting for, skies have been darkening in the afternoons threatening rain and yesterday we had counted more than a dozen drops.

So do we walk in the rain? Well, sure. Let’s get jackets and ponchos, Sto’s sweater on, a blanket for his legs, another poncho so the blanket doesn’t get wet. And also my poncho that I got free at the mall last week.

We headed for the University. I expected to see cars slow down and offer our wet motley group a ride, maybe ask if we were heading to the hospital, pushing a wheel chair, rolling along an extra oxygen tank in it’s own little cart in case the portable one ran out.

So we walked around the University, this way and that. We walked to the duck pond. It really hadn’t been raining much since we left the house and the weather was cool and perfect. We went past Mitchell Hall and Sto said that’s where he taught his very first class at the University. That must have been in the ‘50s when he was still at Sandia labs. I remember he liked teaching math classes. Mark and I were just little kids then.

Edna told me she took a computer class from Sto in Woodward Lecture Hall. She said it was fun and that she took it with a friend around 1987. About that time I was teaching math classes at the University and sometimes I had classes in Mitchell Hall and one semester Dad and I each had a class in the very same classroom, a lecture hall, and sometimes I left little notes on the blackboard when I left at night, wondering if they would still be on the board whenever Dad arrived to teach his class.

At the beginning of the walk we couldn’t get Sto to say which way he wanted to go. He was passively letting us navigate. But after a while he started pointing this way and that way and what do you know, he steered us through the rest of the University past Farris Engineering Center where his office use to be and then straight to Winnings, his favorite coffee shop hangout. At Winnings Sto has been given a special card that entitles the bearer to a lifetime free cup of coffee. However, Edna was becoming concerned that Sto would exhaust himself. Just getting ready to leave the house earlier had about worn him out.

Edna and Amy visited outside while I rolled Sto into Winnings and of course we saw some people he knew and he sat and visited a bit but he really was pretty wiped so we left. Meanwhile, Edna had run into Sto’s friend, Kit. Kit took a class from Sto, probably in the '80s. He’s a regular at Winnings and has chatted with Sto for years of course, and he also used to hang out with him at Kelly’s Bar. Sto has a lot of happy memories from Kelly’s, and that’s where Edna arranged an 85th birthday party for Sto that was quite a to-do!

So once outside Winnings Edna changed Sto’s oxygen and Kit had his guitar with him and the five of us walked back to the house. I jogged ahead to grab Edna’s camera because I really wanted to document this outing, but Amy hung back and I had to pull on her leash a little. She likes to keep track of Sto at all times. It’s her doggie job and she takes it seriously. Anyway, Kit took a picture of us which you see.

We got in the house and Kit was considerate, like helping Sto shift his position in the wheelchair. Sto gets uncomfortable but moving and adjusting his weight takes an effort and Kit seemed very natural and easy with him. In a way I think Kit thinks of Sto as kind of a father figure. He cares about Sto and respects him very much.

Anyway, Kit took out his guitar and played a bit of Dylan, and some folk and some Johnny Cash and Edna made one of her 5 minute amazing meals – Ryvita dark rye crackers and Buitoni pesto with basil and soft Mozzarella cheese melted over tomatoes while Sto drank hot cocoa to warm up. Then Edna took Sto in to snooze and he was asleep before his head hit the pillow.

We visited with Kit a bit more and then he played Mr. Bojangles and I felt so peaceful that I don’t have words and I didn’t then.

A Warm Moment

I was feeding Sto in the morning. It takes time. Often his appetite isn’t great and I want to prod him but not nag of course. I keep bites small and it takes patience. It can be boring I guess, like feeding a baby but more complicated because Sto is so smart and everything. And he must get frustrated. Anyway, at the moment it was just real pleasant and Dad looked at me and said “Thank you.” And I told him that I was just thinking how lucky I was that both my parents had gotten old enough that I could do this for them.